


meant to be me

by sadonmain



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, DreamSMP, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dream Team SMP Setting (Video Blogging RPF), Dead TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Dream Team SMP Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Gen, Grief/Mourning, Ranboo Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Sad Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo Deserves Better, Toby Smith | Tubbo Thinks TommyInnit is Dead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:21:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29800803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadonmain/pseuds/sadonmain
Summary: everyone has different ways of dealing with grief. after the death of tommyinnit, ranboo and tubbo find ways to cope by looking at the past.
Relationships: Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo & Other(s), Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 4
Kudos: 57
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	meant to be me

**Author's Note:**

> before you read: this does mention the death of tommyinnit, following his lore stream on march 1. if reading about major character death is triggering, please don't read. thank you!
> 
> also, there are moments of character flashbacks, shown as blocks of italicized text.

“he’s what?” 

tubbo’s mind went blank as the axe in his hands clattered on the floor. 

“i’m sorry, tubbo. i don’t know how else to tell you this.” jack shifted his weight and cleared his throat. his palms were sweaty, and he was tired. _so tired_. he spent half the day notifying the server of tommy’s death, and each time it felt even worse. 

tubbo didn’t seem to notice jack’s discomfort. with a mindless stare, tubbo picked up his axe and went back to work on the hotel. tubbo appeared to be on autopilot to ranboo, a sight he rarely saw. ranboo glanced at jack with a furrowed brow, but he just shrugged. everyone had their own way of dealing with grief. checking the sun, jack said, “i have to go. again, i’m sorry.” there was no response.

tubbo was trying to put a brave face on for ranboo, but it wasn’t working. once jack was out of earshot, tubbo fell to the ground with heaving sobs. “it was supposed to be me,” he cried, his voice muffled. ranboo placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “i know.”

ranboo didn’t know what else to do. tommy was his first friend, and now he was gone. the same voice he’d heard tormenting him day in and day out took the final life of the first person to give him any notice. he felt blinded with rage, his fists clenched tight to the point small crescent moons formed in his palms. he would pay. but his anger would have to wait. the first step was ensuring tubbo would make it through the night. 

tubbo had pretended to ignore the warning signs echoing in his mind when tommy mentioned the prison visit. 

_“it’s not a big deal, tubbo. just one final visit to set things right.” tommy was busy jumping around, swinging his sword in the air._

_tubbo tugged on his fingers, pausing before saying, “but what if something goes wrong?”_

_tommy laughed, tossing his sword on the grass. he walked towards tubbo and punched his shoulder. “you’re too paranoid! trust me, sam’s weird and all, but i know he has my back.”_

_tubbo smiled._ of course, _he thought._

_that was tommy._

tubbo slammed his head against the column of the hotel. how could he be so stupid? why wasn’t he there? more importantly, why wasn’t sam there? 

attempting to regain some composure, tubbo cleared his throat and tried to stand up. feeling feeble, ranboo rushed to his side. “are you okay?” tubbo gave a wordless response, a slight nod. it was enough for ranboo to understand. he helped tubbo to his feet, placing a supportive arm around tubbo’s shoulders. “let’s go.” ranboo knew what tubbo needed. slowly, they made their way to tommy’s old house. 

stopping on the path, ranboo cleared his throat. “listen, tubbo...” ranboo glanced away, focusing his attention on tommy’s old house instead. “i can’t imagine what this is like for you. but i do know that i’ll be here, whatever you need.” tubbo didn’t dare to meet ranboo’s eyes. he was too fragile now. ranboo sighed, still not fully grasping the situation. he looked past tubbo, towards the bench. _maybe one day they’ll sit there together again._

accepting tubbo’s stoic, mindless state, ranboo began walking towards tommy’s house. he felt so small, so defenseless, like his first day. 

_“how old are you?”_

_ranboo laughed. “i’m a minor, and that’s all i’m gonna say.”_

_tommy rolled his eyes. “were you born before or after april 9, 2004?”_

_ranboo hesitated. “before.”_

_“that means i’m older than you!” tommy leapt into the air, victorious._

_a slight pause allowed a smile to creep across ranboo’s lips. “actually, it means i’m older.”_

_an inhumane screech released itself from tommy’s mouth. “why am i still the youngest?”_

_tubbo and ranboo laughed, tears forming in their eyes._

_that was tommy._

his eyes began to well with tears that he couldn’t fight back. they seared his skin as he knelt down, searching through his pockets. the tears fell harder now, cascading down his cheeks, falling into the tear-etched tracks from when he was younger. it had been ages since he cried this hard; the pain was unbearable. finally, he found what he was looking for. with great care, ranboo placed a white tulip. he tried to control his heaving sobs as he placed a red tulip beside it. his sadness and rage bubbled up inside him, overtaking him, making his vision hazy. with his consciousness half-gone, ranboo fully unhinged his jaw to let out a single, raw, bloodcurdling cry of an enderman. 

he was gone. 

***

tubbo was alone, truly alone. he witnessed ranboo in a state of emotion he’d never seen. before he had a chance to comprehend the sight in front of him, ranboo disappeared. if he had been alone before, ranboo worsened it tenfold. tubbo felt like he was drowning. his head was spinning and the path below him was hazy. trying not to suffocate under the crushing pressure in his lungs, he took halting steps toward the house. it took all the breath he had, any control he could muster to keep the tears at bay. 

he had felt so numb before. when jack told him the news, it felt surreal. tommy: the boisterous child, wreaking havoc at every turn. he was invincible. there was no way that tommy, _tommy_ would go before him. not when he still had so much more to accomplish. the hotel, his legacy, wilbur’s legacy — 

he fell to his knees, staring at the door. the memories came rushing back. the good days, the old days, when tommy would steal anything he could get his hands on. the days when his laughter echoed through the server and his outrageous demands made everyone smile. this was _not_ the same place, it couldn’t be. 

tommy was still alive, he was alive and he would show up at any moment to call tubbo an idiot, pull him to his feet, and bring him to the bench. Maybe they’d listen to a disc, maybe they’d sit in silence as the sun began to set. regardless, tommy would come back to him. _his_ tommy would come back to him. tubbo shook his head, tears falling quietly on the soft ground below him. barely above a whisper, tubbo said, “what am i without you?” 

he could have sworn he heard someone reply quietly, but his sobs made it hard to tell.

***

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! i'm back on my angst, haha
> 
> please share any comments/questions you have and i'll do my best to answer. also, i'm @mxmranboob on twitter, so stop by and say hi!


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